Soliciting Feedback: The Order of Operations
Ask a go-to question, count to six, listen to understand, then reward the candor
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 93%
Radical candor starts not with giving feedback but with soliciting it. This is a repeatable four-step process for extracting honest criticism from people who don't want to give it, and rewarding it so it keeps coming. It works up, down, and sideways.
Origin
Kim Scott's method from Radical Candor. The 'reward the candor' emphasis and the disagreement-handling nuance are her refinements.
Core principles
- 01The order of operations is the same up, down, and sideways: solicit first, then give
- 02There is no emotional Novocain — the other person will still feel uncomfortable, and that's fine
- 03Disagreement doesn't threaten relationships; unspoken disagreement does
- 04Being authentic doesn't mean ignoring the impact you're having on others
How to run it
- 1
Ask your own go-to question
A generic 'do you have any feedback?' gets 'no, everything's fine.' Use a question that demands an answer and sounds authentic to you: 'What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?' Others: 'Tell me why I'm wrong,' 'What's one way I could help you be more successful?'
Pro tip Write it down, practice it in the mirror, then with a friend. Don't copy someone else's words verbatim or people won't believe you want the answer.
Watch out Vary the question over time or it sounds like you don't really want the answer. Adjust it if it shuts specific people down.
- 2
Embrace the discomfort — close your mouth and count to six
After asking, stay silent. Six seconds is a very long time; almost nobody can endure it, so they'll fill it with something real.
Pro tip The only way out of the discomfort is through it — resist the urge to rescue them.
- 3
Listen with the intent to understand, not to respond
You'll feel defensive — that's human. Manage it by asking a follow-up question to make sure you understood before reacting.
Pro tip Scott's daughter said 'I wish you weren't the radical candor lady'; a follow-up ('who do you wish I were?') revealed she just wanted more work-time freedom, not less travel.
Watch out Jumping to conclusions about what the feedback means is the fastest way to misunderstand it.
- 4
Reward the candor
Giving critical feedback is a risk; if you don't reward it richly you'll never get it again. If you agree, fix the problem and make your listening tangible and loud. If you disagree, find the 5-10% you can agree with, voice it, then say you'll think about the rest and actually follow up with a respectful explanation.
Pro tip After fixing, ask for feedback again: 'did I overcorrect or undercorrect?' Aim to overcorrect — you haven't fixed a problem until people say you've gone too far the other way.
Watch out Saying only 'thank you' while melting inside reads as a brush-off; people can tell. You must fix the problem or respectfully explain your disagreement.
In the wild
When someone told Scott the break-room tea was terrible, the fix was loud and visible — 35 kinds of tea appeared. Making the response tangible showed people their feedback wasn't a waste of breath.
→ Demonstrates 'rewarding the candor' so people keep bringing problems forward.
Scott's boss told her she moved too fast: 'until people are giving you feedback that you're going too slow you won't have corrected this problem.'
→ Reframes 'fixed' as overcorrected, not merely adjusted.
Common mistakes
Accepting 'no, everything's great'
Never accept a non-answer. Tell the person you're not perfect and ask them to notice something for next time — telling you when you're wrong is the most valuable thing they can do.
Soliciting feedback over Slack, email or text
You can't gauge how it lands asynchronously. Do it synchronously — phone is fine, even preferable, because you focus on the words.
Is it for you?
Best for
Managers who want a weekly habit for extracting honest upward feedback, but usable in any relationship
Not ideal for
People who won't follow through on fixing or explaining — soliciting feedback you then ignore destroys trust faster than never asking
From the transcript
“if you say do you have any feedback for me you're wasting your breath the other person's going to say oh no everything's fine”
“the question that I like to ask is what could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me”
“the simplest way to embrace the discomfort is to close your mouth and count to six”
“a person takes a huge risk to give you critical feedback and if you do not reward that risk richly you're never going to get…”
“it's not disagreement that poses a risk to our relationships it's unspoken disagreement”
From the episode
Radical Candor: From theory to practice with author Kim Scott