The Power of Yes
Say yes to what scares you — a yes can always become a no, but a no forecloses the door forever.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 88%
A decision heuristic for opportunities: default to yes, especially to things that frighten you. Saying no presumes you already know what's behind a door you've never walked through — arrogant and limiting. A yes is reversible (you can step through, look around, and come back), while a no is a permanently unopened door. The things that scare you are often the ones best for you, and odd yeses create extraordinary causal chains.
Origin
Matthew Dicks's philosophy (subject of his TED Talk on saying yes); he contrasts it with David Sedaris's 'say yes for great stories' — Dicks says the point is the opportunity, not the story.
Core principles
- 01Saying no presumes you already know what's on the other side of a door you've never opened
- 02A yes can always become a no; a no is a door never opened
- 03The things that frighten you are often the things best for you
- 04Small, internal moments — not cliff-hanging drama — are where real transformation happens, so you don't need to chase 'crazy' experiences
How to run it
- 1
Notice the fear-driven no
When you instinctively decline an opportunity, catch it and ask why. Often the honest answer is 'I'm terrified of it.'
Pro tip Dicks reflexively replied 'no' to a stand-up comedy invite, then immediately asked himself why and reversed it.
Watch out Beware the fashionable advice to 'learn to say no' to protect your time — Dicks finds it 'terrible'; there's no single good path.
- 2
Run toward the scary yes
When something scares you, treat that as the signal to say yes fast, precisely because fear flags what's good for you.
Pro tip Send the second email immediately: 'Okay, I'm in. When are we doing it?'
Watch out The friend who challenged Dicks to do stand-up never did it himself — he stayed afraid to step through his own door.
- 3
Remember the yes is reversible
Step through the door, spend real time with the opportunity, and if it's not for you, step back and close it. The downside of a yes is bounded; the downside of a no is a lifetime of unopened doors.
Pro tip Picture yourself at 100, when no one offers you doors anymore, looking back at the ones you never walked through.
In the wild
Six years before the interview, a friend emailed Dicks suggesting they try stand-up. He replied 'no,' caught himself, realized he was terrified — that if a story isn't funny he's still telling a story, but failing at stand-up is pure failure — and immediately sent a second email saying 'I'm in.' He now performs stand-up regularly (including the NYC Comedy Festival).
→ He gained a recurring practice that still scares him most; the friend who proposed it has never once done it.
Common mistakes
Prejudging the opportunity
Saying no assumes you already understand what's behind a door you've never opened — 'foolish and arrogant and full of hubris.'
Chasing crazy experiences for stories
The advice to 'go do crazy things' for great stories is a foolish way to live; the best stories are tiny internal moments, so yes is about opportunity, not spectacle.
Is it for you?
Best for
People who habitually decline opportunities out of fear and want a simple, reversible decision rule.
Not ideal for
Situations demanding genuine boundary-setting or where a yes carries real irreversible risk.
From the transcript
“A yes can always become a no.”
“when someone asks me to do something that scares me that is when I run to that thing as quickly as possible”
“I know that it's the things that frighten me are often the things that are the best for me”
“the yeses that I have said about something I did not want to do but forced myself to do it cuz of my belief system…”
From the episode
How to tell better stories
Matthew Dicks (Storyworthy)