Dare to Be Dull
Strive for connection over perfection to free up cognitive bandwidth when speaking spontaneously
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 90%
A mindset technique for reducing speaking anxiety, especially when put on the spot. Instead of judging every word against an internal standard of perfection, you give yourself permission to just complete the task, which frees cognitive resources to focus on the actual message and your audience. Paradoxically, lowering the bar produces better, more interesting speaking.
Origin
Matt Abrahams draws this from the world of improvisation, which he reframes as being present, collaborative and open rather than being funny. He leaned into it for his spontaneous-speaking work.
Core principles
- 01Your brain is like a CPU with limited bandwidth; self-evaluation runs as competing background apps
- 02Constantly judging what you say against a perfection standard leaves less bandwidth for connecting
- 03We are often our own biggest impediment to good communication because of the anxiety we bring
- 04Removing the pressure to be exceptional makes you say something better, not worse
How to run it
- 1
Notice the perfection pressure
Catch the moment you are trying to give the best possible answer, the most interesting small talk, or the perfect feedback. That striving is what taxes your cognitive bandwidth.
Pro tip Picture a laptop with many windows and apps open, each one performing worse because of the others; self-evaluation is one of those windows.
- 2
Give yourself permission to be dull
Consciously lower the bar: just answer the question, just give the feedback, just be engaged in the small talk. Aim to get the task done, not to dazzle.
Watch out Dull does not mean careless; it means dropping the internal scoring, not the effort to communicate clearly.
- 3
Redirect the freed bandwidth
Use the resources you reclaimed from self-evaluation to stay present and connect with what you are actually saying and who you are saying it to.
Pro tip Think of it as meditation in action: being present-oriented rather than future-catastrophizing.
In the wild
Lenny notes the same principle applies to preparing a presentation: rather than telling yourself the deck has to be the best talk ever, you start with something that is good enough for people to learn from, and the editing from that starting point leads to something great.
→ Lower initial pressure produces a stronger final product through iteration.
Common mistakes
Treating spontaneous speaking as a performance to be scored
Judging every word in real time against a perfection standard drains the bandwidth you need to be coherent and connected, making you perform worse.
Is it for you?
Best for
Professionals who freeze or over-edit themselves in meetings, Q&A, feedback moments, or small talk because they feel pressure to be impressive
Not ideal for
Rare high-stakes prepared moments where precise wording genuinely matters and warrants scripting and rehearsal
From the transcript
“so I often say strive for connection over Perfection by daring to be D just get the task done just answer the question just give…”
“your brain in many ways is like a CPU a computer it's not a Perfect Analogy but it works and if I am constantly judging…”
From the episode
How to speak more confidently and persuasively
Matt Abrahams (professor, podcast host, author, speaker)