Three Levels of Listening
Drop from your own inner monologue into hearing what people communicate beneath their words
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 90%
A model that distinguishes three depths of listening — internal, focused, and global — and pushes leaders to reach the deepest level where they hear tone, body language, and context, not just words. Use it when influencing, selling, pitching a vision, and especially when coaching.
Origin
Lockett teaches this as the first core skill of leader-coaching, framing it against the Fight Club line that most people aren't listening, just waiting for their turn to talk. She demonstrated Level 3 live by asking Lenny what it's like to be a dad and reflecting back the emotions beneath his answer. The three-level model comes from the Co-Active coaching tradition.
Core principles
- 01Most people move through the world rushed, stuck in Level 1 (their own inner dialogue)
- 02Level 3 requires synthesizing what you hear AND mirroring back the emotions you notice, including guesses you check
- 03Active listening creates emotional connection and takes less than a minute — it doesn't require an hour-long session
- 04Reflecting back even a person's own words (not just emotions) carries real power
How to run it
- 1
Recognize Level 1 — internal listening
You're talking to someone but your attention is on the implications of their words on you; you're distracted by your own inner dialogue. Notice when you're here.
Watch out Most people default to Level 1 and never realize it.
- 2
Reach Level 2 — focused listening
Focus fully on the person's words so you can repeat back what they're saying. This is what a good one-on-one problem-solving conversation should already look like.
- 3
Reach Level 3 — global listening
Hear beneath the words: notice tone of voice, body language, and the context around what they're saying, and reflect back more insight than they're consciously aware of.
Pro tip Voice moving fast, squirming, avoiding eye contact — these are data you can name and check.
- 4
Mirror back emotions and check your guesses
Synthesize what you heard (focus) and mirror the emotions you noticed (global). Voice guesses and ask 'is that right?' so they can confirm or correct — which sharpens understanding for both of you.
Pro tip Naming a guess wrong is still useful — it lets them clarify what they actually feel.
In the wild
Lockett asked Lenny the question, then reflected: she saw him squirm and avoid eye contact at first, and named that she heard both high joy and the discomfort of sleep-training and disappointing his son. Lenny confirmed she'd nailed it.
→ In under a minute, Lenny reported it felt 'really nice to be heard' — not just words repeated, but the gist and bigger picture surfaced, creating emotional connection.
Common mistakes
Waiting for your turn to talk
Listening only to formulate your own response (Level 1) is rampant in tech and prevents you from seeing what's actually happening under the surface.
Assuming it takes too long
Leaders skip active listening thinking it means an hour-long session; in reality it fits inside time you already spend.
Is it for you?
Best for
Leaders who want to motivate teams and understand what's really going on in one-on-ones, negotiations, and pitches
Not ideal for
Situations that call for fast directive decisions rather than attunement
From the transcript
“the first level of listening, level one, is internal.”
“Level three listening listening is global listening. So, that's when I'm hearing beneath the words. I'm hearing what you're communicating, not just what you're saying.”
“There's an element of synthesizing what I'm hearing verbally that's the focus listening part and then mirroring back the emotions that I'm noticing”
From the episode
A guide to difficult conversations, building high-trust teams, and designing a life you love
Rachel Lockett