The Personal Operating Manual
A working-style 'read me' so teammates know how to work with you before friction starts
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 90%
A lightweight 'here's how you work with me' document (and team activity) that makes each person's working style explicit. Instead of teammates silently assuming how you like to communicate, be reached, or receive updates, you answer a short set of prompts — including your pet peeves, how to earn a 'gold star,' and your delegation preference — so people can do right by you and save conflict for what actually matters.
Origin
Alisa Cohn's tool, offered alongside the Founder Prenup for any team (not just co-founders).
Core principles
- 01People assume others work the way they do — until told, no one knows your style
- 02Making working style explicit prevents avoidable friction
- 03Surface pet peeves so people can avoid them — they can't read your mind
- 04Knowing how to earn a 'gold star' tells people how to be great for you
- 05Reserve conflict for things that matter, not for style mismatches like 'you didn't text me when I wanted'
How to run it
- 1
Capture your communication and availability style
Answer: what communication style do you prefer? Do you like large uninterrupted blocks or scattered meetings? When someone needs you for something important, what's the best way to reach you?
- 2
Name your pet peeves
List the things that reliably bother you so teammates can avoid them — they simply don't know until you tell them.
- 3
Define how to get a 'gold star'
Spell out what excellent work looks like to you, so people know how to be genuinely successful working with you.
Pro tip People want to know how to be awesome for you — the gold-star framing makes that concrete and motivating.
- 4
State your delegation preference
Clarify: as work progresses, do you want regular check-ins (e.g. weekly), or should the person just let you know when it's done? Mismatched assumptions here are a common friction point.
- 5
Share it as a team activity
Have everyone complete and exchange their manuals so the whole team can 'do it right for each other,' improving workplace harmony.
In the wild
Cohn's favorite prompt asks how someone wants delegation handled: 'do you want me to check in regularly, once a week as I work down the path, or just let you know when it's done and complete?'
→ Making the preference explicit prevents the common mismatch where one person over-checks-in and the other feels micromanaged, or vice versa.
Common mistakes
Assuming everyone shares your working style
People default to assuming others work the way they do, so unstated preferences about communication, availability, and delegation collide — nobody knows your operating style until you tell them.
Letting small style mismatches become conflict
Without a shared manual, trivial mismatches ('you didn't text me when I wanted') turn into friction; making preferences explicit reserves real conflict for things that actually matter.
Is it for you?
Best for
Any new or reforming team, or a manager onboarding reports, who want to reduce working-style friction
Not ideal for
One-off or very short-term collaborations where the overhead of documenting styles isn't worth it
From the transcript
“called the personal operating manual and it helps prompt you to talk about working style”
“what is one of your pet peeves”
“how can I get a gold star with you”
“what's your delegation you regularly like once a week”
“nobody knows what's your what's your operating style until you tell them”
From the episode
Scripts for difficult conversations: Giving hard feedback, navigating defensiveness, the three questions you should end every meeting with, more
Alisa Cohn (executive coach)