Counterprogram the Narrative (Take a Punch)
When you fear someone thinks less of you, take one small action that proves the opposite instead of litigating the past.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 95%
A tactic for recovering from workplace embarrassment or criticism without spiraling. Rather than trying to correct another person's impression of you (which reads as defensive and draws attention to the misstep), you identify the specific negative narrative you fear and take one small, concrete action that demonstrates the opposite. It restores a sense of agency by redirecting energy from what you can't control (others' opinions) to what you can (your next action).
Origin
Developed by Hilary Gridley (Head of Core Product at Whoop) as a leadership-context application of behavioral activation, a cognitive behavioral therapy technique she learned while building a depression therapeutic at Big Health.
Core principles
- 01You cannot control what another person thinks of you, and you often don't even have accurate information about it.
- 02Trying to correct the record makes you look defensive and re-draws attention to the thing you did poorly.
- 03Action that demonstrates your true character is more persuasive than argument about your character.
- 04The goal is to move forward, not to win a debate about a past moment.
- 05Managers should challenge a report's negative thinking, not validate the downward spiral.
How to run it
- 1
Name the punch and the fear
When something has gone wrong and you feel the physical sensation of being punched, stop and articulate exactly what you are afraid this person now thinks of you (e.g. 'she thinks I don't take health issues seriously').
Pro tip As a manager, prompt reports with 'It seems like this is really bothering you — what are you afraid of?' to surface the fear.
- 2
Test the evidence, then stop litigating
Ask whether there is actual evidence for the feared narrative. Even if there is, accept that arguing about the past or another person's impression is a losing battle. Let yourself feel the sting briefly, then move on.
Pro tip Allow a short 'pity party' — feelings do spiral and worsen if not actively worked against, so acknowledge them before acting.
Watch out Following up to 'explain yourself' usually backfires and draws more attention to the misstep.
- 3
Find one small counterprogramming action
Ask: what is one small thing I can do that demonstrates the opposite of what I fear this person thinks? It should be doable in minutes, not a grand gesture.
- 4
Execute and move forward
Take the action promptly and let it speak for itself. The action reinforces your own secure sense of identity and shifts you out of anxious rumination.
In the wild
In a meeting about what to track in the Whoop Journal, Whoop's CTO suggested ketamine tracking. Gridley laughed, assuming a joke; the CTO responded seriously that it was a real issue. Humiliated because she genuinely takes addiction seriously, Gridley resisted the urge to follow up and explain herself. Instead she asked what she feared the CTO now thought (that she laughs off emerging health trends), spent 5-10 minutes researching an emerging public-health concern, and sent a note building on the CTO's idea: proposing Whoop track sports betting behavior and correlate it with stress data.
→ A 5-10 minute action reframed her as someone who embraces emerging trends, without ever re-litigating the awkward moment.
Common mistakes
Trying to correct the record
Following up to explain what you 'really' meant makes you look defensive and re-anchors attention on the moment you want people to forget.
Obsessing over what you can't control
Ruminating on another person's impression — which you can't control and often can't even verify — feeds an anxious spiral instead of resolving anything.
Is it for you?
Best for
Product leaders and high-achievers whose self-identity is tied to competence, who feel destabilized when they think a colleague has judged them poorly.
Not ideal for
Situations requiring a genuine factual correction or apology, where staying silent and 'counterprogramming' would let a real error stand uncorrected.
From the transcript
“what is one thing that I can do, small, that will demonstrate the opposite of what I'm afraid this person thinks of me?”
“you kind of start obsessing over things that you don't actually have control over, uh, which is what another person thinks of you”
“what are you going to do next to demonstrate that you are the person that you know yourself to be?”
From the episode
How to build a team that can “take a punch”: A playbook for building resilient, high-performing teams
Hilary Gridley (Head of Core Product, Whoop)