Coach vs. Advise Decision
Stop training your team to bring you every problem by knowing when to coach instead of solve
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 92%
A decision heuristic for leaders on when to coach (help the person solve their own problem) versus when to advise (give the answer directly). It corrects the default technical-leader instinct to always have the answer, which trains teams to escalate everything. Use it whenever someone brings you a problem and you feel the pull to solve it for them.
Origin
Rachel Lockett names this as the single biggest gap she sees in the leaders she coaches — from frontline managers up to those running 8,000-person companies. Technical leaders climbed the ladder by being the smartest, most dependable person in the room, then over-rotate on advising once they lead teams with more context than they have.
Core principles
- 01Advising all the time doesn't equip your team — it trains them to bring you every hard problem
- 02Coaching is a learnable skill and an alternative path, not the same as being a full-time executive coach
- 03Coach when the person has the context and can solve their own problem; advise when they lack the skill or it's urgent and you know the answer
- 04You only need ~15% more open-ended space in existing one-on-ones — not hour-long coaching sessions
How to run it
- 1
Notice the pull to solve
When someone brings you a problem, catch the reflex to immediately hand them the answer. That reflex is the thing to interrupt.
Pro tip Shift your energy into curiosity when someone brings you a hard problem.
- 2
Run the advise-test
Advise (don't coach) only if: it's an urgent issue AND you have a specific answer you want driven, OR the person genuinely lacks the skill the task requires.
Pro tip Great leaders ask 'Do you want advice or do you want some space to think about it?' rather than assuming.
Watch out Don't coach when you have a specific answer in mind — making the person guess what's in your head is a bad use of coaching.
- 3
Default to coaching for skilled people
If the person is a domain expert you hired and has the context, create space and ask questions so they solve it themselves rather than solving it for them.
Watch out Leaders over-rotate on advising by assuming experts they hired need them to solve the problem.
- 4
Handle a bad conclusion with 'help me understand'
If you have a strong negative reaction to their proposed answer, don't hide it and don't just shut it down. Get curious: 'Help me understand how you came to that conclusion, because here's my reaction.' Be honest and curious at once.
Pro tip Their different worldview may reveal you're wrong — that's where the learning happens.
In the wild
Jeff ran an AI company and was also acting head of product, becoming the blocker on every product and business decision and resenting it. Through coaching he saw he'd trained his team to bring him every decision. He created squads with clear co-designed KPIs, a product review every two weeks, and deliberately shifted his own role from deciding to coaching — asking good questions in check-ins.
→ The squads moved much faster, teams felt more empowered, and Jeff freed up time to plan ahead and spend time in his gifts (product vision and strategy).
Common mistakes
Turning coaching into a guessing game
When you actually have a specific answer you want executed, coaching just makes the person try to read your mind — advise them instead.
Making things up to seem to have the answer
Leaders invent answers when they don't have them; better to attune to context and ask what the person is blocked on.
Is it for you?
Best for
Technical founders and managers who've become the bottleneck because their team escalates every decision to them
Not ideal for
Urgent situations where you have the answer, or when the person genuinely lacks the required skill
From the transcript
“when you try to advise and have the answer all the time, you're not actually equipping your team to go solve the hard problems. You're…”
“It's an urgent issue and you actually have an answer that you want to drive.”
“help me understand how you came to that conclusion because here's my reaction to that. So, you're honest, but you're also curious.”
“you're creating more space, maybe 15% more space in your one-on- ones, in your meetings for open-ended questions.”
From the episode
A guide to difficult conversations, building high-trust teams, and designing a life you love
Rachel Lockett